Toora Loora Loora (365 Day 57)

June 3rd was my Grandma's birthday. She died in 2007. My grandmother was an amazing person. She had a big hand in raising me. So when I lost her, I felt I'd lost a grandmother, a mother, and a friend.

I miss her so much. I miss her voice. I miss her smell. I miss her hugs. I even miss her annoying emails and unwanted advice. So often I want to call her. I wasn't ready for her to be gone.

This was the first time I had visited her grave since we laid her to rest. It was very hard to muster up the courage to visit. As much as I love cemetaries, I'm not very good at handling the deaths of those close to me.

I spent 2 1/2 hours with her grave. I talked. I cried. I sang. I took pictures. I called my mom and my brother and put them on speaker phone so they could say something as well.

Then I laid down on the empty plot next to hers that our family owns. I tried to take a nap. I wanted to sleep next to her. Every time I was almost asleep a stupid ant would crawl on me. I had to leave eventually because I was thirsty and hungry and didn't want a sunburn. Next time I am going to bring a blanket, food, water, and sunblock.

This is one of the songs that I sang to her grave. She used to sing this to me as a child. I miss that so much. I love you, grandma.

Toora, loora, loora

Toora, loora, li

Toora, loora, loora

Hush, now, don't you cry

Ah,

Toora, loora, loora

Toora, loora, li

Toora, loora, loora

It's an Irish lullaby

Over in Killarney, many years ago

My mother sang this song to me in tones so sweet and low

Just a simple little ditty in her good old Irish way

And I'd give the world if she could sing that song to me

this day

Toora, loora, loora

Toora, loora, li

Toora, loora, loora

Hush, now, don't you cry

Ah,

Toora, loora, loora

Toora, loora, li

Toora, loora, loora

It's an Irish lullaby

June 3rd

Embodiment of Self (365 Day 56)

Wednesday was another good day. I caught up on my 365 project. I chilled around the house, listening to music, and singing.

I only had a few minutes to take my self portrait. The neighbors got home right after I shot this. They have perfectly horrible timing. Though if they had not come home then, I might not have used this shot. That would be sad because I ended up really liking this shot.

Erin came over in the evening. We had plans to go to goth night together. She changed clothes in the middle of our living room. Dad had specifically said that she had permission to be naked in our house anytime. So she took advantage of that. Teeheehee She's so awesome.

She dressed up in a tank top, her itty bitty stripper skirt, and heels. Since I was her date, I felt like I had to be scantily dressed as well. I wore heels, a black tank top, black pantyhose, and red underwear. I haven't worn that little for going out in 2 or 3 years.

We stopped for breadsticks on the way to the club. We had a silly good time with that. The breadsticks were pretty phallic and we had ranch dressing with them. There were many perverted jokes. :)

We had a really fun time at the club. Our friend Amanda was there and the three of us partied. They are both 21, and I spent the night acting like I was too. We danced our asses off on the dance floor. I danced harder than I have in a long time. Needless to say, I was very very sore the next day.

This image is about the struggle to be comfortable with myself. Some days are easier than others. Going out with the girls definitely helped. This project has already helped me a lot in that department as well. It's a journey.

June 2nd

Play Time (365 Day 55)

It was a freaking awesomely fantastic day! I rode up to Detroit with my friends Erin and Boyd. Erin had a bondage video shoot sheduled with Eric Cain. :)

When we got there we started drinking. Then Boyd and I watched with rapt facination as Erin was tied up and abused. It was the hottest thing I have ever seen in my life. Holy hell. The way she wiggles would make a priest give up his vows.

There were all sorts of random props in the studio. When I saw the carousel piece, I knew I had to ride it. I needed to capture how freaking randy Erin had made me. That girl drives me crazy. I am in love with her.

When Boyd saw me riding the carousel piece, he was inspired. I let him take a few images of me on it. Then we had Erin join in. She stood in front of me and we groped on each other. She even shoved her crotch in my face. Oh my god. I could have died of happiness.

We all got home pretty late with big smiles on our faces. What a great day!

April 1st

Evil Eye (365 Day 54)

Monday was spent recovering from Sunday. I had a bit of a hang over and wasn't feeling to swell. It wasn't a bad day though. I got some editing done. I saw Alice in Wonderland with my dad. It was alright.

I lost track of time, so this image wasn't actually taken before midnight. Fuck it. I hadn't slept yet, and it was before midnight one time zone over.

May 31st

Slick Wet Surface (365 Day 53)

Everyone at my mom's house was out of town. She told me I could have people over. She told me that the pool would definitely be ready by then.

I got food and wine and planned an all girl party. I have never thrown a party before. I was ridiculously happy and excited about it.

Unfortunately, the pool was not even close to being ready. Since I already had food and wine for a party, I had people over anyway.

Only a few girls showed up, but we had a great time. There was drinking and silliness. We had delicious tacos for dinner. We frolicked in the sprinklers. It was a good time.

I figured that I had to do my self portrait with the sprinkler falling on me. I didn't capture the droplets, but the water made a nice sheen on my skin. I'm about half happy with this image.

May 30th

Personal Erotica (365 Day 52)

Today was a day of ups and downs. I woke up in a good mood. I got some fantastic news about one of my friends getting laid. I love it when my friends are happy and satisfied.

In the afternoon I got some awful news. I was planning to have friends over to my mom's tomorrow for swimming. It turns out that the pool will not be ready. Super disappointing.

I have the best daddy in the world though. He cheered me back up. He took me to the mall and bought me the new Joanna Newsom CD and a soft pretzel. Then we stopped for perfect margaritas. On the way home we stopped and bought a sprinkler. It won't be the same as having the pool, but it's something. I am so lucky to have such an awesome dad. He's the best.

Around 11:30pm I finally got around to taking my self portrait for the day. I've been feeling pretty randy, so I ended up doing another ass shot. I fucking love this. I find it so hot that I want to do me. I told a friend of mine that I wish I could be someone else so I could do just that. Giggity! LOL I'm such a Leo.

May 29th

Sweet Repose (365 Day 51)

It was a very chill day today. I've been in a good mood all day. I got some editing done. I made some fun plans for the weekend. I'm really jazzed about it. Yay!

I wanted to capture the chill mood of the day. I really enjoyed curling up on the grass. It was lovely. I can't wait until it grows out some more. Hopefully dad won't cut it again for awhile.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZHVDqWxOIY

May 28th

Good Morning (365 Day 50)

I stayed up all night. I didn't fully mean to, but I had taken a nap eariler, and wasn't tired. I began to get sleepy around 6 am, but decided to push it. I wanted to see the early morning light and model in it. I thought that the bugle would be a perfect way to capture my communion with the sunrise.

I greeted the morning, took my self portrait, and then went to bed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqmid9MlFSw

May 27th

Not Today (365 Day 49)

It was another bad day. Still depressed about Adam moving away. Plus I'm cramping and moody. Just not feeling it at all. I'll try to make up for it tomorrow.

May 26th

Aplified Tension (365 Day 48)

May 25th was a much better day. Erin always makes me happy. This day was particularly happy.

Erin came by in the late morning. We hung out for a bit and then headed to the strip club. She was auditioning. I watched her shake her sweet ass on the stage. Then she put her legs on my shoulders and gyrated her no no parts in my face. It was so awesome.

Then we came back to the house, hung out for awhile, and got my self portrait done.

I'll let you guess on the thoughts behind this image. ;)

May 25th

Too Sad For Pictures (365 Day 47)

May 24th. This is the day that my brother moved away. I spent most of the day balling my eyes out. I just couldn't bring myself to take a picture. I was too sad. My brother is one of my best friends in the world and it was hard to see him go. I am really going to miss him.

May 24th

Hi I'm a Picture (365 Day 46)

The 23rd was a difficult day. It finally hit me that my brother was moving away. I cried most of the day. This was taken at his going away party. I forgot to bring my tripod, and I was upset, so this was the best I could do.

May 23rd

Feeling Pretty (365 Day 45)

This is me outside of a local venue. Random Acts was performing there. I showed up to take some pictures of the company before the show.

All dressed up and feeling pretty. :)

May 22nd

Still in My Heart (365 Day 44)

This is to the one who still haunts my heart. You mean just as much to me as you ever did. Sometimes I really I wish that things could be different. I look in your eyes and it's like time never passed. I love you.

May 21st

In My Element (365 Day 43)

I am pretty happy with this image. I wanted to capture the sun streaming down. I am a Leo. The sun is my element. I think I managed to capture a beautiful side of myself with this one. :)

May 20th

Curves and Angles (365 Day 42)

I am sorry that I fell so behind again. I agonized over what to name the image and what to say with it. Fuck it. I don't need to be so hard on myself. Every name need not be inspiring. Every image need not have an amazing blog with it.

May 19th was a good day though. I had a good shoot with Erin right before I shot this.

I love the angles of this image. It makes me happy. :)

May 19th

Cabin Fever (365 Day 41)

It was another boring, rainy day today. I'm having one of those days where you just feel a bit nuts. I feel like I want to climb out of my skin, or at least scream at the top of my lungs. I'm just feeling twitchy and directionless today. Blarrrrg.

I needed to figure out something to shoot for today's picture. I really wanted to do something that would express how I was feeling. It suddenly occurred to me that I hadn't yet shot in the basement fire excapes yet. I then knew exactly what I was going to do. Oh inspiration. I love how you usually visit when I need you most.

This shot really made me wish that I had a remot trigger. I had to climb out and back in for every shot. Thankfully I got what I wanted after only a few tries. It was worth it. I'm quite pleased with the results.

May 18th

The Last Minute (365 Day 40)

The weather was chilly and rainy all day. I did not feel like being cold and wet. I didn't get around to taking a picture until the last minute. At 11:55pm I grabbed my camera and tripod and ran upstairs. I quickly set up my light and camera. I got this shot at 11:59pm. The very last minute.

It's hard to stay motivated to keep with this project, but I haven't missed a day yet.

May 17th

She Will Haunt You

It was a nice day. I spent the morning chilling on the computer, and working on images. Then Matt came and picked me up to hang out.

We watched a Studio Ghibli anime called Earthsea. It was so beautiful and had some good voice talent in it. After that we watched more Bob Ross. (Yay Bob Ross) Then we watched a few episodes of The Maxx. (I fucking love The Maxx)

The prinkling on the back of your neck. The wind blown in your hair. The whispers not quite heard. The moments stolen quiet. This is where she haunts you.

May 16th

Three Leos (365 Day 38)

May 15th was pretty good, expect for having to wake up early. I had a shoot scheduled in the morning with my friends Amanda and Boyd.

Amanda wanted me to photograph her doming Boyd. That was pretty entertaining because Amanda is not all that dominant. lol It was a really fun shoot. I even left Boyd cuffed to the bed for about a half an hour while I got dressed and made up for this self portrait. He wanted to go have a cigarette, but I denied him. *evil giggle*

After the shoot I went to hang out with my friend Matt. I watched him going nuts while trying to get his computer set up to send the picture to his television screen. When he finally got it working we high fived and cackled. Muah ha ha.

Then we watched The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross. Fuck yeah! I almost forgot how much I love Bob Ross. He was so freaking cool. I love all the happy little clouds and happy little trees. The way he talks is so soothing too. I love how he says stuff like "maybe there's a little bush over here" and then there is! Oh my gosh. He was right. There was a little bush over there. Love it!!!

Then I headed home to get some editing and blogging done.

And now I am finally caught up on the 365. I hope I don't fall so far behind again. :)

May 15th

Don't Fence Me In (365 Day 37)

I thought that May 14th would be really sad. It was to be the first day in a week not waking up with a beautiful woman in my bed. I was wrong.

Erin came by in the morning and woke me up. The first thing my eyes beheld was her pretty face and shining smile. That made me so happy. I made her get in bed and cuddle with me. She asked me if I would go to her shoot with her. I agreed but warned her that she would be late.

The shoot was a fun time. I assisted and took some shots with my cell phone. A lovely time was had by all.

Before I lost all of the daylight, I headed out back with my camera and tripod. Oh so thankfully, the neighbors weren't home. I used this opportunity to shoot with the fence that separates our yards. I love the perspective over there and had a fun time posing there.

May 14th

Muses (365 Day 36)

May 13th was a good time. I woke up with Erin and Tia in my bed. That was awesome! I couldn't help but have a big smile on my face. The only bad things was that we had slept in. We tried to get ready as fast as we could.

Eventually we got ready and Beebs came over. I then shot Beebs and Erin with the De Soto. The light wasn't quite what I wanted, and the space of the yard was limiting, but I managed to work with it. We had a grand time.

Soon after this, I had to take Tia to the airport. I hated doing that. I never like to see her leave. I am ridiculously addicted to her company and I can never get enough of it. I wish I had had the money to go off to Kansas City with her. It would have been awesome. I miss my Kansas City peeps.

I spent the rest of the evening moping and getting used to not having a Tia around. Her next visit can't come soon enough. July is so far away. :(

May 13th

Happy Buddha (354 Day 35)

May 12th was a pretty good day. I spent the day editing images and hanging with Tia. It was her last full day in town.

In the evening Erin came over. We had plans to go out to goth night. The three of us chatted, giggled, and slowly got ready.

I had a pretty nice time. I got to see friends and dance. Erin had a great time, aided by a good amount of booze. Tia did not enjoy the club at all. Oh well. You can't win em all.

Then we had a nice little sleep over at my place. I had to share my bed with two beautiful women. What a sacrafice. Teeheehee.

May 12th

Fighting The Struggle (365 Day 34)

Today was not the greatest. Today I discoved that dad had mowed the grass in my absense. I was so upset that I cried. I have also cried quite a bit to today from pain. I neck and my shoulder are killing me today. I'm also very sore from modeling.

I did have some really yummy Chinese food for dinner though. I also got some editing done, and caught up on the self portraits. The day was not a complete loss.

I didn't want to take a picture today. I didn't feel like it, but I did it anyway. Meh. I fought the urge to quit and took this image.

May 11th

Apparent Translucence (365 Day 33)

May 10th was another wonderful day. I woke up and took a shower while singing merrily. After a bit of procrastination, I got the girls to get ready to model.

Inbetween much giggling, I got some awesome images of Beebs and Tia together. It was so nice to shoot two of my favorite people together.

Before we checked out I snuck just enough time in to get a self portrait done.

Then I got to have that which I had been wanting, needing, craving..........Fazoli's!!!!! Fazoli's makes me sooooo happy. I love it way more than should even be possible. I ordered the same thing I do every time I am there. Favoli's ravioli with alfredo sauce and bread sticks. I even got extra bread sticks and alfredo sauce. It was possitively heavenly. Oh Fazoli's, how I love thee. Why did you have to forsake my city, or rather why did my city have to forsake thee? Either way, I miss you dearly.

On the way back to Toledo, we stopped in Dayton. Tia used to live there and she wanted to stop and shoot there. She took us out to the woods and somehow managed to fight the urge to rape and murder us. That was quite nice of her. However, she did force us to get naked and pose for her. So, of course, I had to return the favor. Muah ha ha. We sure had a jolly time, and afterwards she treated me to a smoothie. :)

After our foray to Dayton, we drove up to Columbus. My good friend Eric lives there and we wanted to visit him. We hung out in his studio for hours. We chatted, ate pizza, and Beebs and I modeled. Eric shot Beebs with some crazy big hair. It was rad. He painted a really awesome realistic type heart on my chest and did beauty shots. I am still a bit stained red from that. lol

It was a great day. I love my friends.

This picture is about honesty and opening up. My skin is very translucent and you can see most of the veins in my body. This is another thing about me that is kinda cool, but it bothers me sometimes. I'm like a map of tributaries. lol I kinda like how they look in this image though. :)

May 10th

The Other Side (365 Day 32)

May 9th was a great day. Tia and I woke up a bit late and scurried to get ready for our road trip. Then Beebs, Tia, and I headed south towards Louisville.

It was a beautiful day for a drive. The sun was shining and the clouds were fluffy. We listened to awesome music on the way down. Beebs has fabulous taste in music. She is a music guru.

We got to our hotel and Beebs got ready for her shoot. Tia and I chilled and chatted while we waited for Beebs to return. Then I took my self portrait. Tia was watching and giggling as I took naughty pictures. She's such a creeper. Teeheehee.

Beebs got back too late for us to go to Fazoli's like I wanted. We did end up going out for Itallian food anyway though. The food was delicious, the drinks were tasty, and our waiter was hot. I got Tia to thank him for the water and tell him that he really wet her pallate. Hehehe. We even wrote naughty things on the check. "Nice tattoos, wanna fuck?" "Giggity giggity allllriiiiiight" and "You leave me so wet and satisfied. kthanx" He blushed and said that he would take it as a compliment.

Then we got more booze and headed back to our hotel room. It was a night of much silliness, giggles, and inappropriate comments. Such fun. :)

I hope that people appreciate the ass shot. I love that I don't have a flat, white girl ass. I don't love that my ass is quite so large. Even when I was thin, it was big for my size. I don't do shots like this very often, but I knew that it would make Tia happy. If my ass had a fan club, she'd probably be the president. LOL

May 9th

Grumpy (365 Day 31)

I got woken up today by the neighbor. I think he was drilling something. It was the most awful, loud, obnoxious noise. This sent me into an instant panic. Luckily Tia was there to calm me down. I never quite got over being grumpy though.

I didn't really do much with the day other than get a bit of editing done.

In the evening dad kicked me off of the computer. I went upstairs to hang out with Tia and promptly passed out. I hate it when that happens. I slept from about 7pm to 11pm. I woke up grumpy again, especially realizing that I hadn't taken a picture yet. *pulls hair*

I got out my camera and the freaking battery was dead. I took some shots with Tia's camera, but my programs wouldn't open her raw files. So I had to use my dang cell phone camera again. As you can see from the picture, I wasn't very happy about it.

There should be a much better picture tomorrow. Tia, Beebs, and I will be taking a road trip.

May 8th

Peering Passage (365 Day 30)

I awoke next to my best friend Tia this morning. That is seriously one of the best things in the world. It makes me so incredibly happy when she is the first thing I see in the morning. It's a brighter and more entertaining world when she is there.

We had plans today with my lovely muse, Erin. Her beauty and her wonderful personality never cease to amaze me. Tia shot her in the overgrown grass, next to my garage. Then, after a goodly amount of procrastinating, we shot her in my dad's 54 De Soto. It is a hot car, but it looks so much better with a nude woman in it.

We then headed up into Michigan. Tia had left her laptop power cord back in Detroit, and Erin was nice enough to offer to drive us up there for it. On the way up we stopped at the abandoned building. We had lost much daylight, but I did manage to get some images that I like.

I'm fairly happy with this image. It was nice to finally get to model with Erin. I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to explain what this image means to me. I guess it's a statement on my duality and the dark, sexual, and artistic corners of my mind. Hazy, difficult to understand, and open to interpretation. (my mind and the image)

May 7th

Lovely Distraction (365 Day 29)

I spent the first part of the day recovering from Wednesday night. I had just a slight hangover, even though I had only consumed one drink. Beer. Bleh. lol

In the afternoon my best friend Tia was delivered to my house. She's in town and staying with me for almost a week. Yay!!!

We spent most of the afternoon and evening just talking and giggling. I was so caught up in having her here that I let the sun go down before I could take a picture.

I took these shots with my cell phone. I took a shot of myself. Then I sidled up next to Tia. I took a shot of us together while she was giggling on the phone with her bf. I love her laugh. It makes me smile. I love Tia more than I can possibly express. She occupies a large space in my heart. My life and my photography wouldn't be the same if I'd never had her in it.

Sorry again about the late update. I passed out shortly after taking these images.

May 6th

Rain Dance (365 Day 28)

It was a really good day. I woke up in a good mood and feeling social for a change. For the first time in many months, I actually wanted to go to the club. The idea of going out kept me cheerful all day.

Right as I was trying to figure out what to do for my self portrait, it started raining. I love rain and I've always wanted to frolic naked in it. I went for it. I put a plastic bag over my camera and cut a hole just big enough for the front of the lens. It worked beautifully.

I had a great deal of joy in creating this image. Being naked in the rain is just as amazing as I had dreamed. It's so free and natural. Why must society force me to wear clothes? *shakes fist*

I had a really great time at goth night as well. There were a decent amount of people that I knew there. They were quite surprised and pleased to see me. I love that look people get on their face when they see you after months of hiding. Surprise! Hehehe.

I also had a really nice time after the club with a friend of mine. I feel much better now. Yeah.

Sorry about the late posting. I managed to still have the effort to edit this image when I got home last night, but not enough to blog.

May 5th

Sexual Tension (365 Day 27)

Sexual Tension

Hello libido. I don't know why you have decided to pester me so, but I find you inconvenient. Cats in heat are bad. Lions in heat are worse. I'd go prowling, but it seems that the pickings are quite slim these days.

Normally I throw a lot of passion into my work. Today I had no choice but to throw it from both sides of the lens. Rawr!

May 4th

Waiting For Never (365 Day 26)

It was a pretty good day today. I woke up late because of messing up my sleep scheulde. I didn't mind though. The only sad thing was Erin ended up being busy in the afternoon. She had been supposed to join me and Beebs on this mission. Ah well. There is always a next time.

Beebs came over this afternoon and did our makeup for the shoot. You can't get the full picture of what it looked like from this image, but it looked rad.

We headed out to one of the abandoned buildings that I had scouted. I love this place and I knew exactly what I wanted to do for my self portrait.

I wanted this image to portray a timeless moment of waiting and longing. I feel so lonely sometimes. I fear I will be alone forever. Photography is the great love in my life, and while it is fulfilling, I still feel a little empty. Wishing, hoping, and waiting for never.

From the way that my heart feels when I look at this image, I think I may have managed to capture that. I am very thankful to Beebs for being a part of this self expression.

I shall not dwell. I will shoot and move on. Tomorrow is another day.

May 3rd

Gaia (365 Day 25)

I started the day happy and singing. I continued to be in a good mood all day. I'm not sure why I was so cheery, but I'm not going to question it too much.

I didn't get to take my image until nealy 7pm. The neighbors were home and had a yard full of kids. Then it rained for a good while. I really wished I could take some pictures in the rain. (I still haven't figured out how I can protect my camera for that.)

I only got a few minutes to attempt a shot today. The neighbors got home a few seconds after I took this image.

I kinda dig this image. It makes me feel like mother nature. I love how it looks like the tree is a part of me. I'm such a hippy sometimes. I wish I could frolic nude in nature all the time.

I didn't get to post my image on time last night. I ended up going to hang out with my friend Patti and some of her friends. We went out to a hookah bar. It was a really lovely time. Patti and I had pomegranite tobacco. It was quite tasty.

Gaia is the primal Greek goddess personifying the Earth, the Greek version of "Mother Nature". Gaia is a primordial deity in the Ancient Greek pantheon and considered a Mother Goddess or Great Goddess.

May 2nd

Time Out (365 Day 24)

Today was a good day. I had a chill morning. I played around on the internet and got some editing done. Then it was off for my gig.

It was a nice short drive to the gig today. It was less than an hour away. We performed our 1939 radio murder show at a retirement community. The show went really well. The audience was receptive and quite enjoyed us. I rocked the hell out of my solo and my monologue went over really well. There were many good laughs.

Outside of the building there were some small trails with benches everywhere. I had a nice stroll before the show. The weather was beautiful. It was warm with a soft breeze. It was really quite enjoyable. I set up my tripod in front of one of the benches and took a few pictures of myself relaxing. It was very peaceful.

May 1st

How Can I Reach You (365 Day 23)

I had a pretty good day. I got to hang out with Beebs. That's always a good time. I love Beebs. She is a kindred spirit. Being around her makes my heart warm. I am so glad that she is a part of my world.

We had a sneaky naked ninja mission to a location that I love. This is the second time I've shot there. We didn't even come close to getting caught, cause we're fucking ninjas. Yeah. The light wasn't quite as awesome as it was the last time I was there, but I think I still got some lovely shots of her. And afterwards she bought me lunch at Red Robin. Mmmmmmm

Later in the afternoon I had a short shoot with a beautiful black model. :D This makes me super happy. I love my pastey white girls, but I really needed to shoot some skin color. The shoot didn't go quite as well as I had hoped. I was just not feeling super creative in the tiny room I had t shoot in. I did get a few shots that I think will edit up nicely. I got one shot of her hands that I absolutely adore.

So I'm not comepletely happy with this self portrait of me and Beebs. I was feeling drained and couldn't get what I wanted. This wasn't what I had originally planned. We were in a hurry to get out of there and eat as well. Oh well. Not every day can be a winner. No need to drive myself crazy with perfectionism. I'm crazy enough as it is. Hehehehe.

Sorry about the very late update. I finished the image before I went to bed, but once I was done I just needed sleep.

April 30th

Baring Souls (365 Day 22)

It was a happy day today. It was also a very long day today.

I had a rehearsal for Saturday's dinner theatre performance. It went rather well. It was productive.

After that I had a shoot with the lovely Mizz Amanda Marie. I shot her back in December, when she was a blonde. She is now a redhead, which I am very happy about.

There was little light left by the time I got to shoot with her. I had brought my tripod with me, so we still managed to work it. On a whim of inspiration, I decided to add her to my self portrait for the day. 2 redheads are better than one, right?

This is actually not the first time that we have modeled together. A photographer friend of mine accidentally double booked us for the same day once. We just ended up modeling together. Not only was it her first nude shoot, but her first shoot ever. She was great then, but she has grown so much as a model since then. It has been an honor to watch her grow as a model and be a part of it.

This image means a lot to me. We models open ourselves up to the world. We don't just show our bodies. We put a piece of ourselves in the images, some of us more than others. We bare our skin and the self beneath it. We hope that people will see it for more than just what is on the surface. Sometimes there is a part of us that not even our friends and family know. We show it in the hopes that it will touch someone and not just make them touch themselves. lol

This is also very important as a photographer. We have to be able to find that part of the person inside. To bring it out so that the viewer can try to understand. And of course there is also a piece of us in there. The part of us that sees the world on a deeper level. The part that analyzes. The part that dreams.

This is why these self portraits mean so much to me. There is so much of me in them. I'm making a map of me. Now Mizz Amanda Marie is a part of that map.

April 29th

Blinding Beauty (365 Day 21)

I had a pretty nice day today. My friend Jose and I went to check out an abandoned house that I had found. I didn't want to go in alone, in case it was inhabited by unfriendly vagrants. I felt pretty safe with Jose there. Most people would think twice before starting something with him.

The house was pretty rad. The downstairs had a bunch of open windows with vines growing over the outside. I sooo need to put a naked lady there. The upstairs was just crazy trashed and kinda creepy.

We then went to check out another abandoned building, across the Michigan border. That was freaking awesome. It had a great ambiance. Beautiful broken windows. Perfectly crackling paint. And it was filled with an assortment of oddities. There was even an old box of 8 tracks upstairs. Rad! I am really jazzed about the idea of shooting there. I was pretty upset with myself for not bringing my tripod. I totally could have done a self portrait there. Ah well. Next time.

I took this image a little while before sunset. Inspiration usually comes to me at the last minute, when I most need it.

Sometimes the world is too bright. I mean this for multiple reasons. Quite litterally it is too bright because I am very light sensitive. But it is also just too overwhelming sometimes. There is so much beauty in the world, that it is sometimes hard to look at. There are so many colors and textures. So much to take in. I often wonder how people pass it all by and aren't struck by the power of it. There are many ugly things in this world as well, but even many of those have their own special kind of awful beauty. I am glad that I see all these things, but sometimes I must cover my eyes, lest I be overcome.

Sorry about the late upload. I fell asleep super early.

April 28th

Invisible Wishes (365 Day 20)

Today was another difficult day. Again I didn't get enough sleep and woke up in pain. Today it was really bad. I spent the first couple of hours wailing and crying. I was kinda thankful that I was alone. I know that seeing me in that much agony is painful to my friends.

Once the pain was of a managable level, I got some editing done. That usually cheers me up, especially if I really like the images.

Before I lost the sun, I mustered up the initiative to take my picture for the day. I love my camouflage jacket. Correction, I love all of my camouflage jackets. I have 4 of them. I have always loved camouflage. I think it's because I've always wanted the power of invisibility.

My whole life I've been torn between wanting to be the center of attention and wanting to disappear. I love attention, but I fear being judged. I'm very outgoing, but also kinda intraverted due to my nerve issues. It's quite an internal struggle. I am hoping that this self portrait project will help with that.

April 27th

Queen of My Jungle (365 Day 19)

Today started out rough. I woke up at 6am in pain. I puttered about the internet until about 10:30. Then I took a nice nap.

When I woke up I called my friend Erin Marie. She came over and we had a really fun shoot in the backyard. She is such a doll. I hearts her. We giggled so much during out shoot. In between sets we laid on the ground and watched the clouds. Such a lovely time.

I spent the evening hanging out with friends. Also a nice time. After the awful false start, I had a really nice day.

I love this image. Doing these self portraits has given me much more of an appreciation for my little backyard. I love the fence in the back. I love the color of the wood. I love that the fence is a little crooked. I love the vines that grow on it. I love that every day the vines have grown more leaves. I really love that my dad has not yet been able to get my brother to do any yard work. The overgrown grass makes me really happy. I will be very sad when it gets mowed. I love my little jungle of grass, dandelions, and other weeds. It's really cool to watch mother nature take over.

As I'm sure you could guess by the image, I also love these shoes. My dad bought them for me the day that I was pmsing really bad. I had called him to apologize for blowing up at him. I told him how batty I was due to the crazy female hormones. He asked if I should take some tylenol. "No, Dad. I'm not in pain. I'm pmsing" He asked if there was anything I could take for it. "No, Dad. Most girls eat chocolate and I hate chocolate. There is nothing I can take." "Would purple sneakers help?" *blink* "Aww. Yeah. That might help." (Apparently he was at wallmart at the time and passed some purple shoes.) I am obsessed with purple and I really did need new sneakers. I love my dad. He's the best.

April 26th

It Can't Rain All The Time (365 Day 18)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU1jCwyDgxw

It was a chilly, rainy day today. I love rain, but I would really prefer that it be a bit warmer. I awoke with pretty bad cramps today. (Thanks a lot, female organs.) I spent the first part of the day whimpering from pain and editing images of Beebs. Then my brother Adam and I headed off to help Matt move. I couldn't be much help, because of the pain, but dad's vehicle is the only one with enough space.

I watched the rain as I sat waiting in the car. I had quite a fondness for the way the raindrops looked on the window. Instant creativity. Just add water. LOL I am very pleased with how it turned out. My lips are possibly my favorite feature and I love water. For me it is a winning combo. I hope ya'll like it too. :)

April 25th

Female Woes (365 Day 17)

Oh how I hate being a girl sometimes. I have PMS way worse than usual. It's like someone snuck up and injected me with crazy. I spent the first part of the day bawling my eyes out and feeling like breaking things. So I used that. I just grabbed up my camera and took shots of me crying my eyes out. It helped a little bit.

I managed to cheer up quite a bit this afternoon though. I had another shoot with my friend Beebs. She got a new wig and I just had to shoot her in it.

We went down to this weird broken up stone wall with bricks and plants coming out of it. It is a really cool spot that I have been meaning to use for a while now. It's like it's own little world over there. I just wish it wasn't right across from a bunch of houses. I'd really like to shoot nudes there.

While we were shooting, we drew some attention. Cars slowed down to gawk. A couple guys across the street went out on their porch to watch. They even went and got a pair of binoculars. LOL They chatted in awe amungst themselves while we shot. It didn't bother us at all. They didn't make any cat calls and they didn't come closer. That works with me.

Other than the crazy raging female hormones, it was a nice day.

April 24th

Fresh Start (365 Day 16)

There is nothing like the feeling of having freshly dyed hair. I have been dying my hair since I was 11 years old. I absolutely LOVE the smell of hair dye. It makes me happy and feel beautiful. *smells hair* Oooh yeah. That's the good stuff. LOL

I spent most of the day working in the photoshop mines. I have been slacking a bit on models' images since I started doing my 365 project. I'm pretty happy with the images that I finished today.

I decided to redye my hair today, so I figured I might as well use that for my 365. I slathered my hair in dye, grabbed the tripod and camera, and headed outside. Unfortunately the nighbors kids were out and had friends over. *grumble* They couldn't actually see me where I was posing, but they could see me walking back and forth to the tripod wearing my towell. When I walked outside, one of the kids said "Oh my god. She's wearing a towell." I proceeded to loudly say "Oh my god. Oh my god. A towell!" lol *shakes head* One of the little girls was really sweet though. She waved and said hi. She was adorable.

Now I believe I will watch some hulu and then get some more editing done. :)

April 23rd

Floral Magesty (365 Day 15)

Happy Earth Day, everyone. I had a pretty nice day today. I spent most of the day chilling around the house. I had the house to myself for a good part of it. I love having the house to myself. I whistled and sang to my heart's content. Singing almost always makes me really happy.

I wanted to showcase one of our lovely tulips today. They make me smile every time I go out into the yard and see them. Since it's Earth Day, I didn't even pick it. I just gently held it in my hand.

I do wish it had been as warm outside as it was beautiful. Oh well. I hope everyone else had a nice day today. :)

April 22nd

They Can't Hear You Scream (365 Day 14)

If you don't make noise.

I wish I was better at expressing myself in the written word. The only way I can get it out is through photography. Even that can be difficult and frustrating sometimes.

I need to get the fuck out of dodge. I wish I had money to travel to friends. I need to clear my head. I feel trapped.

I finally got around to taking my image for the day a little before 11pm. I used the little light bulb and soft box set up on my bed again. It does not put out great light and is a pain in my ass. The difference this time is that I used my cheap cell phone for this shot. I dig how it turned out though.

April 21st

Web of Sleep (365 Day 13)

I took this image first thing this morning. I set up my tripod before I went to sleep last night. As soon as I woke up, I pulled the cord on the blinds, then started taking pics of myself. I wasn't even fully awake. I got the shot I wanted quickly and then went about my day. It was nice to get my self portrait taken so early. I didn't have to spend any of the day worrying about what I was going to do for it. :)

It was a pretty chill day today. :)

April 20th

Drowning (365 Day 12)

I am not having a good day. I think it must be pms. I'm super sensitive and depressed. I really really did not feel like photographing myself today. I just want to curl up into a ball and cry. I wish Tia was here right now. I need cuddles and hugs.

Doing a self portrait every day is not easy. Today I feel like I'm drowing in it.

April 19th

Precious (365 Day 11)

I woke up feeling like hell again today. I ran myself ragged yesterday and paid for it today. I woke up with dizziness, coughing, a headache, and a phone that wouldn't stop ringing.

I had promised my friend Matt that I would help him move today. So even though I didn't pick up the phone, he came over anyway. He woke me back up and bribed me to go with him. I just hung around and made sure he kept on track.

Since I felt like crap, the daylight got frittered away. I had to attempt to make something work using a small lightbulb stuck inside of a small soft box. Since it doesn't put out a lot of light, I opted to use my 50mm film lens. I have an attachment that allows me to use it on my dslr. The harship with this lens is that it is manual focus. Not the easiest thing to use for self portraits! Thankfully I managed to get an image that I dig. Yippy skippy.

April 18th

Hamadryad (365 Day 10)

I'm posting day 10 pretty late. Sorry about that. It was a busy, kinda stressful day.

I had a gig videotaping a dinner theatre show today. I'm normally an actress, but they sometimes put me behind the video camera for shows that I'm not in.

The time that we were leaving got bumped on me, and I didn't have time to take a picture before we left. So I brought my camera and tripod and hoped that I could find somewhere to take a picture. I really lucked out. Behind the venue there were some woods. I snuck down there and quickly took a few shots. I'm not 100% happy with the image, but I think I get bonus points for location and sneakiness. :)

I didn't get back from the gig until after 1 in the morning. Then I was distracted by Matt coming over. He's in the middle of moving and felt the need to procrastinate. lol So that forced me to procrastinate. Now I can finally get some sleep. Yipee!

Hamadryads are Greek mythological beings that live in trees. They are a specific species of dryad, which are a particular type of nymph. Hamadryads are born bonded to a specific tree. Some believe that hamadryads are the actual tree, while normal dryads are simply the entity, or spirit, of the tree. If the tree died, the hamadryad associated with it died as well. For that reason, dryads and the gods punished any mortals who harmed trees.

April 17th

The Sickness (365 Day 9)

As I'm sure you can tell from the image, today is not so great. I woke up quite ill this morning. I crawled out of bed and went downstairs. I then collapsed on the floor in tears because the bathroom was occupied. Once I got in there, I spent about 3 hours in the bath tub. I had nothing to do but puke, cry, and call a bunch of my friends.

I sent my dad out for medicine and ginger ale. (Dad is the best) And once I felt well enough to eat, my brother brought me some toast. It was soooo good. Toast is heaven when you can finally get it down.

I still managed to get around to taking my self portrait, even though I really was not feeling up to it. (Take that, stupid sickness!)

I'm still feeling sick and miserable, but I am determined to kick this quickly. I really really hope that I am mostly well tomorrow. I actually have work tomorrow. Wish me luck. *crosses fingers*

April 16th

The Loneliness (365 Day 8)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6rJn_TEu5Y

I'm never so lost, I can't find my way

Been searching, but I have never seen

A turning, a turning from deceit

'Cause the child rose as life

Tried to reveal what I could feel

I can't understand myself anymore

'Cause I'm still feeling lonely

Feelin' so unholy

'Cause the child rose as life

Tried to reveal what I could feel

And this loneliness

It just won't leave me alone, ohh no

I'm fooling somebody

A faithless path I roam

Deceiving, to breathe this secretly

A silence, this silence I can't bear

'Cause the child rose as life

Tries to reveal what I could feel

And this loneliness

It just won't leave me alone, ohh no

And this loneliness,

It just won't leave me alone

A lady of one ...

It was a beautiful day. I spent it by myself. *sigh* I really really wanted to hang out and shoot today. Sadly it seems like everyone was either busy, sick, or too far away. I normally don't mind spending so much time alone, but it's starting to get to me. I am feeling more and more social, and therefore more and more lonely. I wish so many of my friends didn't live so far away. I wish so many things.

I'm going to go attempt to shake off this mood. Hopefully tomorrow will be a happier day.

April 15th