Toora Loora Loora (365 Day 57)

June 3rd was my Grandma's birthday. She died in 2007. My grandmother was an amazing person. She had a big hand in raising me. So when I lost her, I felt I'd lost a grandmother, a mother, and a friend.

I miss her so much. I miss her voice. I miss her smell. I miss her hugs. I even miss her annoying emails and unwanted advice. So often I want to call her. I wasn't ready for her to be gone.

This was the first time I had visited her grave since we laid her to rest. It was very hard to muster up the courage to visit. As much as I love cemetaries, I'm not very good at handling the deaths of those close to me.

I spent 2 1/2 hours with her grave. I talked. I cried. I sang. I took pictures. I called my mom and my brother and put them on speaker phone so they could say something as well.

Then I laid down on the empty plot next to hers that our family owns. I tried to take a nap. I wanted to sleep next to her. Every time I was almost asleep a stupid ant would crawl on me. I had to leave eventually because I was thirsty and hungry and didn't want a sunburn. Next time I am going to bring a blanket, food, water, and sunblock.

This is one of the songs that I sang to her grave. She used to sing this to me as a child. I miss that so much. I love you, grandma.

Toora, loora, loora

Toora, loora, li

Toora, loora, loora

Hush, now, don't you cry

Ah,

Toora, loora, loora

Toora, loora, li

Toora, loora, loora

It's an Irish lullaby

Over in Killarney, many years ago

My mother sang this song to me in tones so sweet and low

Just a simple little ditty in her good old Irish way

And I'd give the world if she could sing that song to me

this day

Toora, loora, loora

Toora, loora, li

Toora, loora, loora

Hush, now, don't you cry

Ah,

Toora, loora, loora

Toora, loora, li

Toora, loora, loora

It's an Irish lullaby

June 3rd

Embodiment of Self (365 Day 56)

Wednesday was another good day. I caught up on my 365 project. I chilled around the house, listening to music, and singing.

I only had a few minutes to take my self portrait. The neighbors got home right after I shot this. They have perfectly horrible timing. Though if they had not come home then, I might not have used this shot. That would be sad because I ended up really liking this shot.

Erin came over in the evening. We had plans to go to goth night together. She changed clothes in the middle of our living room. Dad had specifically said that she had permission to be naked in our house anytime. So she took advantage of that. Teeheehee She's so awesome.

She dressed up in a tank top, her itty bitty stripper skirt, and heels. Since I was her date, I felt like I had to be scantily dressed as well. I wore heels, a black tank top, black pantyhose, and red underwear. I haven't worn that little for going out in 2 or 3 years.

We stopped for breadsticks on the way to the club. We had a silly good time with that. The breadsticks were pretty phallic and we had ranch dressing with them. There were many perverted jokes. :)

We had a really fun time at the club. Our friend Amanda was there and the three of us partied. They are both 21, and I spent the night acting like I was too. We danced our asses off on the dance floor. I danced harder than I have in a long time. Needless to say, I was very very sore the next day.

This image is about the struggle to be comfortable with myself. Some days are easier than others. Going out with the girls definitely helped. This project has already helped me a lot in that department as well. It's a journey.

June 2nd

Play Time (365 Day 55)

It was a freaking awesomely fantastic day! I rode up to Detroit with my friends Erin and Boyd. Erin had a bondage video shoot sheduled with Eric Cain. :)

When we got there we started drinking. Then Boyd and I watched with rapt facination as Erin was tied up and abused. It was the hottest thing I have ever seen in my life. Holy hell. The way she wiggles would make a priest give up his vows.

There were all sorts of random props in the studio. When I saw the carousel piece, I knew I had to ride it. I needed to capture how freaking randy Erin had made me. That girl drives me crazy. I am in love with her.

When Boyd saw me riding the carousel piece, he was inspired. I let him take a few images of me on it. Then we had Erin join in. She stood in front of me and we groped on each other. She even shoved her crotch in my face. Oh my god. I could have died of happiness.

We all got home pretty late with big smiles on our faces. What a great day!

April 1st

Evil Eye (365 Day 54)

Monday was spent recovering from Sunday. I had a bit of a hang over and wasn't feeling to swell. It wasn't a bad day though. I got some editing done. I saw Alice in Wonderland with my dad. It was alright.

I lost track of time, so this image wasn't actually taken before midnight. Fuck it. I hadn't slept yet, and it was before midnight one time zone over.

May 31st

Slick Wet Surface (365 Day 53)

Everyone at my mom's house was out of town. She told me I could have people over. She told me that the pool would definitely be ready by then.

I got food and wine and planned an all girl party. I have never thrown a party before. I was ridiculously happy and excited about it.

Unfortunately, the pool was not even close to being ready. Since I already had food and wine for a party, I had people over anyway.

Only a few girls showed up, but we had a great time. There was drinking and silliness. We had delicious tacos for dinner. We frolicked in the sprinklers. It was a good time.

I figured that I had to do my self portrait with the sprinkler falling on me. I didn't capture the droplets, but the water made a nice sheen on my skin. I'm about half happy with this image.

May 30th